This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
