It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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