my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
