Swine flu. Run for my life!
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Randomize
