If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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