i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
