The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
