I'm pants shitting drunk right now
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I met the friendliest cop last night
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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