"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
