...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
