FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
