just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
