So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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