oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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