shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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