i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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