please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
