The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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