Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
