Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
