Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
