He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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