it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
how does that bad decision feel?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
