tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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