He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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