took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
