i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
