I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
