The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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