I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
