she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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