i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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