Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
