i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
