At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
