this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
