i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
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Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
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Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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