My liver just broke up with me...
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
