even my farts smell like vagina
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
