This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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