So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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