You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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