I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
