I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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