We're facebook friends in real life
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
