At least make sure they are 18
Why
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
