He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
