youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
