As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
