I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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