he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
