remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
