I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
