Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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