Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
