Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
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He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
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Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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