chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Randomize
