new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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