did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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