Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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