i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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