end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
