Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
