You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
