EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
