I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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