I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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