some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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