i don't like sucking hair
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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