Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
there is glitter all over my balls
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
