Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
