I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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