I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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