i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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