I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We need a shit load of segways right now
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
