pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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