This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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