Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
