So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Where is the hickey?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
